There’s one word that is uplifting as well as frightening to me. That word is surrender. According to the Webster’s Dictionary, surrender means:
to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand; to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
Scary, right? For me….it’s a word I struggle with even now. I like to be in control. I like to know what’s going on at all times. What am I getting myself in to so I know whether or not I want to continue down that path. Lately, that hasn’t been working. My need to be in control has only stifled my personal growth. I have obsessed over things that are beyond my control. Micro-managed my emotions that are too remnant of denial at some points. Became anxious of a future that I can’t even see nor feel that tied to.
So I’ve decided to surrender. To give all of it away. My fears, my past, my purpose, my anxieties, certain people. I’m surrendering to a higher power. What I do hold on to is the idea that there is something better out there for me. I should know, I’ve been getting confirmations on that all day long. The message has been clear; stop trying to do everything yourself. When you let go of what you want and surrender to what “it” wants (it being whatever it is you believe in: God, Allah, Krishna, The Universe) you will find that you two may be in agreement. Or maybe not. That’s where the fear comes in for me.
Maybe I’m so fixated on how I feel my life should be, that it’s hard for me to surrender. But what do I have to lose? When I lost control of my life in 2009, it turned out to be the biggest blessing for me. I gained so much more from what I lost. So I challenge myself today. I’m surrendering to the will and the way of God. Start figuring out what He wants from me….stop being selfish for a moment. Because what He feels I should have….is WAY better than anything I could want for myself. It’s time for me to get in line with this Universe again. Get a balance. And ultimately, get a clear focus on myself and my life.