Today was suppose to be a regular Sunday for me; doing laundry, watch a few movies, and prepare for my work week. But this morning, I woke up with just one thought in mind.
I feel like running.
So I laced up my shoes and headed to the one place I wanted to run since the weather broke. Near the Harbor. I’ve ran there only once before, three years ago, and barely made it to the top of the hill before my muscles gave up and I limped back to the car and went home; defeated. Not even a mile. So I may have had a hidden vendetta for this trail. I was going to conquer this trail. A trail that took me from one state to another. So I turned on my runner’s app, turned on my music, and started running.
The music kept me moving, but my mind began to roam. I looked out at the water. Kept jogging. The flowers that were planted were in full bloom. Kept jogging. Made it to the halfway point that crippled me just several years ago. Kept jogging. Passed by people walking with ease. Got a few look backs. Didn’t stop running. But then, I had to slow down.
I started feeling like I was failing. The incline was harder than I thought. I don’t “look” like I’m running fast. But I didn’t stop running. I looked back for a quick second. “Damn, I ran THAT far?” It pushed me to run. Ran clear across the bridge. Paced my jog with my breathing. Other runners pasted me and gave a smile and nod. Unspoken, but a mutual understanding. Looked out at the water. I was on the bridge going into Virginia. Motivated me to run even further.
Past a cemetery running into Virginia. Thought about all the people there who would love to have one more day. One more day to walk. To see Spring. To feel the sun on their skin. Continued to run….and ended up in Virginia. I smiled.
Then, in what can only be considered an homage to Forrest Gump, I turned around and ran back into Maryland. Smiling.
I made it!
The moment in your adult life when drinking McDonald’s Hotcake Syrup is appealing.
I’m officially two days into my clean eating challenge and of course, it’s been a challenge. I’m having to re-learn how to grocery shop and I have to admit, it was frustrating (not to mention costly). Correction….it IS frustrating! Everything on the shelves has some type of sugar or additive in it and it drives me crazy!!! Even things you feel shouldn’t have an additive (like, hell….mustard) has something in it that makes the expiration date five years from now (think about that: a can of tomato sauce will outlive a Great Dane. *le sigh*). So because of my failure to properly read and identify unclean food, my food choices have been slim to none. I had a mini meltdown in the kitchen. Next to my unclean coconut milk, bread, and tomato paste….I just cried.
Don’t worry. It’ll be better tomorrow.
The next day brought sugar withdrawals. Really, really, really, REALLY bad sugar withdrawals. I started craving foods I haven’t had in a long time. Wanting to just drink syrup and butter was weird enough but then something else started happening to me. My attitude changed. Severely. In short, I was a real bitch. Snapping at people at the drop of a dime. Trying to hold back my words from a whiny co-worker and struggling to even care about doing a stitch of work. It was bad. Luckily, I haven’t gotten any headaches but then again, I’m only two days in.
I’m determined to navigate through this. I heard once the “fog” lifts, there’s more energy and thinking clearer. Not to mention clear skin and healthy hair. But the fog is so thick…..
I love God, my daughter, writing, laughing, and evolving. I’m attentive, loving, loyal, and forever a student. I’m thankful for the ability to bounce back from a setback. I’m thankful for life. I’m thankful to experience true love for myself. I deserve the freedom to experience life in the way that serves me. I deserve to define myself, for myself. My dream is for my life and my words to mean something. I want to carve my notch in the world and inspire many in the process. My voice is powerful and I’m going to be heard on a large scale. I am royalty and I will be great because that’s the only option I give myself.
Ever since I made the decision to live my life fearlessly, I have signed up for any and every challenge that my eyes have seen. This need for me to be better than I was last year is insatiable; I’m addicted to being a better person. So any type of wellness challenge has really peaked my interest (we won’t get into me signing up for speed dating and sky diving….I’ll blog about those later.)
Meditation Challenge? Yep.
Water Challenge? Still doing that.
Sexy Shred Challenge? Why not.
So there I am. In two weeks I begin a challenge that I thought would be fun but it’s going to be just that; a challenge. This Sexy Shred is not only designed to get me moving (not that I needed help doing that), but it’s centered around clean eating. I did my research and saw what “clean eating” is…even went the extra mile and bought a few apps to help me cook clean for the month’s challenge. So when my packet came on the rules and guidelines, I read every line. Then got to the Clean Eating package. Saw what I couldn’t eat. In red bold letters. My heart stopped.
I eat damn near 98% of the “don’t” list now! I can’t have that? Or THAT?!? But….what am I suppose to eat now?!? Oh, I’m already going to fail and the challenge hasn’t even started.
I’ll be honest, I got scared. Really scared. I’m a foodie and I love to eat, I measure nothing, and it’s flavor above everything. During the week, I like my meals quick and easy to throw together. So yes, maybe all I’ll get is a sandwich or eat cereal for breakfast because it’s convenient. Easy. What I’m use to. This challenge has basically said, “You can’t eat none of that, try again sis.” and I felt fear. Yes, fear. I broke out in a hymn so fast because that’s all I could think of doing. I even begin to panic. What did I just sign up for?
I wanted to be healthier. Stronger. Better. I have to remember that. I know some people are like “It’s just food. You can eat it again after a month.” which is true. However, what if my body rejects that? Maybe I want my body to crave peanut butter brownies or BBQ potato chips. But again, that’s my comfort zone talking. In two weeks, I’m really taking on the challenge of my life. Granted I don’t get the urge to Bruce Banner a telephone pole during Sexy Shred, I’m going to blog through it. Just, fry a chicken leg for me tonight.