It’s that time again! Starting tomorrow, I’m going to challenge myself in a way I haven’t challenged myself in a while. I’m doing a writing challenge. Thanks to XD, I’ll be writing a short story about summer love everyday in the month of June. Should be exciting, however there is a small fear there. I’m creative, yes….but I’m also sensitive. I honestly don’t know where to start, who my characters are, or where the story will go. But what I do know is that I’m ready to challenge myself personally and creatively. So…once again, if you’re interested…follow the link! Happy writing!
5. Learn to DJ.
Every year, I make a “to-do” list. This list consist of me, at the end of the year, writing down the things I would like to do or see done for the upcoming year. A bucket list, if you will. Only smaller. Since it’s 2013, there are 13 things on my list. Today, there are 12.
Last night, I seized a once in a lifetime opportunity to be taught how to DJ. Learning to DJ has been something I’ve always been interested in doing. Old school hip-hop wasn’t defined by the MC….it was defined by the DJ. That’s who you wanted to emulate. Being able to scratch and mix; a creative like me couldn’t resist learning. But, it didn’t become a real drive for me to learn until a few years ago, when I would go to parties and cookouts and HATE how the DJ there mixed the songs. It’s funny when you make a decision, how the universe conspires to make it happen.
I already looked into a Beat Refinery School to attend this summer (possibly Fall), but last month sped that process all up with just one e-mail.
Learn to DJ with Biz Markie
Excuse me?!? Learn to do WHAT?!? WITH WHO!!!! I quickly registered for a class. Set the date. Let my passion bring me one of the best teachers. Biz Markie taught me how to scratch. Cross fade. Even gave me a drop for my own personalized mix. Not bad for a newbie. To be expected for a woman with a passion for life.
It’s what people either want more of or never had enough of. Some people waste it. Other people cherish it. Me? I hoard it and don’t take it as seriously as I should at times. See, I’m laid-back. At times, a little too laid-back. Now I appreciate time and understand how it has helped me heal and help me grow. What I haven’t done is use time to the best of my ability.
Perfect example of this is in my current search for my own place to live. I was going to get the “right” job with the “right” amount of money saved up. I would apply for an apartment at the “right” time; when Baby was transitioning to the next grade and could get comfortable in the new neighborhood. I was constantly waiting for the “right” time to do all of this until I looked up and 4 years of my life had passed.
There is no no such thing as the right time.
The more I move into being fearless, the more I see what has kept me stagnant for so long. I took time for granted; feeling it would always be there. It comes and it goes. That’s it. It’s not going to stop and wait for you. It’s not time’s job to keep up with you. It’s here to give you an opportunity to make the most out of it while you can. Every 24 hours, times gives you all it has to offer. So give it all you have. However you see fit.
For me, it’s about finally filling out that housing application.
Today is the day that I become one year older! On my birthday last year, an astrologer told me that this would be a transformational year for me and it really was. I decided that I wasn’t going to let 30 define me. Instead, I was going to define it for my damn self. I got the nerve to start my own blog, pursued my passions, lost some loved ones, gained love for myself, lost 40 pounds, became something of a mentor, met some really dope people (both online and off), and just grew as a person.
When I was a kid, I thought this age was ancient; I only saw 21 as thee age to be. Now? You can have that! I’ll gladly give you the awkwardness and uncertainty of the early 20s for the confidence I have in my 30s. Wow, I’m in my 30s now. So cheers! Here’s to 30 more.
Disclaimer: I wrote this blog two days ago….and accidentally deleted it (insert epic sad face here) so I’m going to remix this just a little bit.
I’m reaching the end of a chapter in my life. The biggest lesson that I’m learning right now is forgiveness. See, I’ve had people hold me to my past mistakes all my life. Some of the people closest to me have kept me bound to the person they’ve known instead of the person I’m becoming. It’s like they can’t see that. Then, I’m a thinker. Sometimes…too much and I keep living in my past mistakes and missed opportunities. Trying to find the positives but zeroed in on the negatives and I stayed trapped in this cycle. Truth is, I don’t know what forgiveness is. I don’t know what it looks like because I see people hold grudges all the time. I don’t know what it feels like because I blame myself. I don’t know what it sounds like because people blame me. So naturally, forgiveness and forgiving is a foreign concept to me. One I am ready to learn. One that I am still learning. One that I’m ready to put into practice.
It’ll be copacetic.
Who occupies your space?
If there is one thing that I’m very aware of about myself is that I can be “in my head”. I’m a thinker. I think about everything. My thoughts are constantly going. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing all the time. But recently, I’ve felt flawed. Incomplete. Borderline lacking.
When I was frustrated about not getting my clean eating right, my thoughts went to how I never got anything right in my life. When I would listen to the radio and hear about the “80/20” rule, my mind wanders to all of my failed relationships and how I won’t ever get it right. Some days, when I look in the mirror, I can’t even look at my reflection because I can’t even look myself in the eyes. I knew I needed to change. So, of course I got quiet.
Stillness is my move because I was able to begin to get out of my own way. I could see clearly who was occupying my mind space and start evicting as necessary. The thing about a squatter is that they find loopholes to stay in a place they know they shouldn’t be there. For me, I was running from the hurt. I was tired of crying at night over the same situation. I wanted to rush the process. I allowed people to tell me to “get over it” because my healing process was taking up time they needed to steal from me (oh…did I say that?).
When you know the layout, you know when something is wrong. Me? I get afraid of going there in my mind, so it gets ignored and the thoughts don’t ever go away. But I made a commitment to myself to be intrepid. So now the squatters gotta go. The funny thing is, once you remove the squatter, that freed up space can now be filled with a paying tenant.
With running hot water.