100 Questions: Day 24

What have I been avoiding out of fear? 

I have an office crush. I’ve had this crush for three years now. We met as he was randomly walking through the halls and a work friend of mines spotted him. He came in to talk a few times the first year and then disappeared. I didn’t see him regularly until last year, when he stopped by my office every week. We have witty banter between each other and he’s really pleasant. We tease each other, but never in an offensive way. 

Well, this year, he’s been dropping by my office a lot.  Almost everyday, a lot. So we talk a whole lot more. So today, we’re talking about how I need to get out more and he has a theory about this: I either have control issues or I’m hiding.  Both are correct.  Here’s this man, FINE man who obviously enjoys my company, wondering why I don’t get out more. Wondering what’s keeping me from leaving the comforts of my couch and Netflix (besides a really good K-Drama). 

Vulnerability. 

After he left my office today, I really sat with what he said. Then got upset with myself. Now he thinks I’m a hermit because I still struggle with self-esteem. Nobody likes to deal with a woman with self-esteem issues. Should I have said that?  I was second guessing myself and not feeling at all confident. Because I felt judged. Rejected. By a guy I like. But he was right: I am hiding. Hiding my true self for a fear of who I am not being good enough to like or love. Then I dug deeper and saw that this has been my fear my whole life. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and eat so many cupcakes, but I’d rather do the shadow work.  I have to be okay with being vulnerable. My life depends on it. 

  

Tarot Card of the Day: Seven of Cups. This is not the most welcomed card. It indicates that you’ll face temptation in many aspects of your life. Whether it’s cheating for pleasure or for money, you’ll soon realize you’ve been building a house of cards.  You may feel as though you can’t see clearly or judge right from wrong. That is the spell of the Seven of Cups. It’s best to remove yourself for a while, step back until you can see straight again. 

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