100 Questions: Day 52

What past situation have I been romanticizing? 

My ex, more specifically the ex that has resurfaced in my life. I always looked at him as the “white knight” of my dating life. He introduced me to a life I had been waiting to live. He accepted me for who I was and who I was becoming. We fell into a groove that felt as light as air. I loved him. I thanked him, even on here a few times, for the time we had together. 

He came back first as an online presence, then physically by stopping by. I was skeptical at first; after all this is the same guy that broke up with me three years ago. So I assume nothing, breathe deep, and just stay in the present moment. It wasn’t until last night when he went on a social media tirade that I realized two things: that he’s still the same unpredictable guy I knew, and that I’ve completely omitted his flaws in reminiscing over him. 

I never knew what he was thinking on any given day. He use to disappear for days at a time, then return as if nothing was wrong. I never “felt” I was in a committed relationship with him and the only time I felt he actually cared about me was one drunken Mardi Gras night where I left the bar with another man and he got upset (again, at this point, i thought we were just “friends” and not in a relationship). There were always more questions than answers with him and I didn’t like the uncertainty about us hanging over me. 

It’s okay for him to be back in my life. It’s okay that he crosses my mind from time to time. But I have to tell his full story and not just the one that satisfies me. 

Tarot Card of the Day: Six of Cups. A card of beautiful implications, the Six of Cups focuses on the magic and innocence of childhood. The roots of years past are alight with color and vibrancy…look back upon them, get lost in your memories. Old friends may surface and seek you out. All reunions will be joyful. Enjoy simple pleasure and wonder in all areas of your life. 

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