100 Questions: Day 56

What are my instincts trying to tell me? 

I thought about HomieLoverFriend yesterday and decided to text him, just to see how he was doing. Unfortunately, he hasn’t been so great. So, remembering that he felt some peace near water, I suggested that we head out to this local park. They have a trail that leads to the harbor, so I felt this would be good. He’d be able to release some of his hurts and I wanted to be there for him; like a supportive friend. It didn’t go that way. 

Instead, it went the way it always went: he found other things to do to avoid facing himself. Only this time, I wasn’t trying to persuade him to see things differently. I was just there. As he was talking to me about his woes and about how he would feel me loving an ex still would be a problem (long story…sort of), it hit me. 

Don’t look back. 

That sentence resonated with me for the rest of the evening. From the resurgence of exes, to my anxiety over this trip, to being a late bloomer, I can’t look back. My time is really in the present moment and when I take my focus off of that, I hurt myself. I have to stop recycling and start letting it go to waste, if that makes sense. 

  
Tarot Card of the Day: Justice. With tails entwined, two cats look directly at you…waiting for you to choose between them. Which is right and which is wrong? The Justice card implies a weight or heaviness surrounding a choice you have to make. Now is not the time to shun the concept of divine balance or karma. All of your choices affect your life, and sometimes lives around you…both now and in the future. 

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