What insecurity can I love today?
I’m going to show you something that I rarely show anybody online. You ready?
Yep, that’s me doing my best at a full length photo. I’m also wearing an outfit that has only seen the light of night once. Why am I showing this? Because my biggest insecurity is my body. I developed pretty early in life, which resulted in a lot of unwanted attention from men. I would be 12 years old walking down the street and have grown men yelling from their car windows, cat calling from across the street, and even had a few follow me to wherever I went. This lead me to do two things:
- I started dressing in super baggy clothes to ward off unnecessary attention, and
- I began to emotional eat through my feelings, which caused me to gain a lot of weight.
So over the years, I have hid behind my weight and the weight of my clothes; not really wanting anyone to see the complete package of me. Even when I was intimate, I would do so in the dark and already underneath layers of comforters before he even got his shorts off. So a few years back, I started working out and feeling really good about myself and decided that I wouldn’t be ashamed to try out the fashion of today. So I got this outfit. I was nervous to wear a crop top, because I always pegged this to be for women with flat stomachs. But I bought it anyway. I love this outfit. It’s cute.
But then I get on social media and I see women who are just beautiful beyond words. Curvy and Skinny. Athletic and Plus Size. I see what they post and see the likes they get and I shrink. I feel that I don’t measure up at all. I don’t feel at all in the realm of showing off my stuff because I don’t feel proud of my stuff. But I want to change that. Not to gain “likes” or random strangers ogling me (or worse, right-click saving). However, I have one body and I need to love it and all that it does for me, aside from look pretty good in clothes.