How can I be more honest with those who are close to me?
You ever hear the saying, “You have to show people how to treat you?” Well, I would like to build on that just a teeny bit to include that how you treat others could be a mirror in how you treat yourself. What are some of the reasons why we aren’t 100% authentic to the people closest to us? I have a few reasons:
- We fear isolation from the collective. As much as individuality is “celebrated”, what actually is accepted is the norm.
- The very real fear of rejection. By being honest with people, there is a possibility that they are not open or won’t be receptive to your honesty. So in an attempt to keep them in your life, you shield certain truths.
- Going against social and cultural norms (if that’s what your honesty does) is a dangerous but courageous act. Most people lack the confidence and support (see point #2) to carry out such an act.
So…what does that list have to do with you? My theory is that the first person we start lying to in life is ourselves. We say, “No one will understand why I like Friends and Future” or that in telling the truth the way we perceive it, that it’ll alienate the very people we desire to be our most authentic self. Honesty starts with yourself. It’s not whining or complaining to tell yourself, “I’m not okay today”.
The way I see being more honest with others is first being comfortable with being honest with myself. Even when its uncomfortable.
What miracles have I recently witnessed?
It’s amazing that this question comes up on the last day at my job. I’ve been here for close to 5 years and when my boss sat all of us in the department down and told us that we wouldn’t be working there anymore, I was shocked. The silver lining (if you even want to call it that) was that my boss could only keep one of us in the department. Everybody just knew it would be me. Everybody whispered that, because I had been in the company the longest, that I was the shoe-in to be the cheese that stands alone. But, Life had other plans and I wasn’t chosen…and it has been the best decision ever.
The week I found out that I wasn’t going to work at my current job anymore, I got an e-mail from an agency looking for potential clients. So in the spirit of being proactive, I sent my CV and resume in. The recruiter called me that afternoon; eager to meet with me and get me in a place of employment. Yesterday, a guy on my floor that I have talked to in passing for years stopped by to tell me that it was on his spirit to talk to me. He runs a performance troupe and he feels that I can help him out. Then another lady that I assisted in the past told me about a position she feels that I would be perfect for. On top of that, my work Auntie put in so many good words for me when she heard I was leaving that I just felt overwhelmed with emotion and love.
The miracle, aside from knowing that the Universe is providing me with such abundance, is that I’m witnessing the love and appreciation that I show for people being multiplied in my own situation. I’d been talking about wanting a village and unbeknownst to me, I’ve had one all along at my job. It just didn’t look or talk the way I thought it would. I leave my job today with such a light heart and know that I’m being encouraged and guided by not only God, but by the people that have assembled into my life. THAT’S the real miracle.
What drama can I disengage with?
I enjoy social media. I have to like it to some degree because I have my own personal blog, lol! I’m also a bit of a cultural junkie in the sense that I enjoy (now in moderation) a slice of celebrity gossip. The latest piece that has gotten my attention was Victor Cruz and his fiancee, Elaina.
There are plenty of stories on what’s going on between them, but what I’m focusing on is my response to it. I have a very strong stance on women who decide to confront the mistress (or mistresses, depending on how your man gets around) instead of the offending partner. I feel like I hear this story so much; how a woman finds out that her man is cheating and instead of packing her things and leaving, she lashes out at the other women; calling them names and degrading them. Filling themselves up with an air of importance because they have the ring and the house…even though they don’t have their man’s attention or even affection. So I got upset and on my personal page, I made an open letter of the sort about her. How after going through his phone and getting proof that he’s cheated that she won’t leave. I’ve always been a champion for the underdog, even if the underdog is a side chick to a very famous athlete.
I’ve realized that I spoke on a situation that I know very little about. I talked about a woman that I don’t know. I also tore down another woman, which is what I don’t want to do or even be known for anymore. So today, I am making a promise to myself. I want to at the very least, have compassion for every woman. If my opinion wasn’t asked in a certain situation, I’m just going to leave it alone. There is a drama in getting involved in other people’s personal affairs. You feel like the authority and wield your opinion accordingly. I’ll admit that I saw this from my own vantage point and knowing my “deal breakers” is cheating. I judged a woman because she didn’t handle it the way that I felt she should’ve, and that was wrong.
My pre-school teacher had the best Life Hack in the world: If you don’t have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.
What patterns keep repeating in my life, and what can I learn from them?
I had to sit with this question pretty much the entire day. For me to really answer this question, I had to acknowledge when something happens to me often, which I’m not really the best at. Then, around 3:30 p.m. something happened to me.
I got laid off from work.
The pattern isn’t me being laid off from work. No, the pattern is the train of thought that happens prior to me being released from my job. The, I know this job is keeping my lights on but I’m not happy. I can’t wait to leave this job and find something better, chatter. Before the meeting, I had written dozen of posts about how I was ready for the next chapter in my life, but in the past when that would happen, I would complain. I would worry about the unknown. I would get scared about what was coming next and cling to whatever came my way. But last night, I had a dream about something similar. I’ve been in this place before. I know what’s the worse that can happen to me because I’ve lived through it and made it out pretty okay. So after the initial shock over hearing my boss tell me that the executives was dismantling my department, I felt something totally different.
I. Felt. Free.
I’ve been enjoying running errands during the day when it’s calm and peaceful on the road. I’d love to start being disciplined where I can work for myself. I’d been hearing whispers about the direction that I should be going in for a while now; that I should be working for a non-profit. If I’ve learned anything from the past patterns of wanting a change in my life and actually getting it, I think I’ve learned it today. That when the change comes, embrace it! Invite it inside and let it get comfortable, even if it feels clumsy and uneasy. And if you want your life to stay the same and stay comfortable, then don’t ask for anything different! But I have to warn you: when Change comes, it’ll shake your foundation; especially if it comes for your own good.
Don’t fight it. Ever.