100 Questions: Day 81

What patterns keep repeating in my life, and what can I learn from them? 

I had to sit with this question pretty much the entire day. For me to really answer this question, I had to acknowledge when something happens to me often, which I’m not really the best at. Then, around 3:30 p.m. something happened to me.

I got laid off from work.


The pattern isn’t me being laid off from work. No, the pattern is the train of thought that happens prior to me being released from my job. The, I know this job is keeping my lights on but I’m not happy. I can’t wait to leave this job and find something better, chatter. Before the meeting, I had written dozen of posts about how I was ready for the next chapter in my life, but in the past when that would happen, I would complain. I would worry about the unknown. I would get scared about what was coming next and cling to whatever came my way. But last night, I had a dream about something similar. I’ve been in this place before. I know what’s the worse that can happen to me because I’ve lived through it and made it out pretty okay. So after the initial shock over hearing my boss tell me that the executives was dismantling my department, I felt something totally different.

I. Felt. Free.

I’ve been enjoying running errands during the day when it’s calm and peaceful on the road. I’d love to start being disciplined where I can work for myself. I’d been hearing whispers about the direction that I should be going in for a while now; that I should be working for a non-profit. If I’ve learned anything from the past patterns of wanting a change in my life and actually getting it, I think I’ve learned it today. That when the change comes, embrace it! Invite it inside and let it get comfortable, even if it feels clumsy and uneasy. And if you want your life to stay the same and stay comfortable, then don’t ask for anything different! But I have to warn you: when Change comes, it’ll shake your foundation; especially if it comes for your own good.

Don’t fight it. Ever.

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